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October 16, 2017

HUGH HEFNER AND ZEUS IN HEAVEN OR WHEREVER: A PLAY IN ONE ACT (ARTICLE)

HUGH HEFNER AND ZEUS IN HEAVEN OR WHEREVER
A PLAY IN ONE ACT
by Martha Cipolla

SCENE: Heaven or wherever; in the cafeteria

HUGH HEFNER, clutching his lunch tray, approaches ZEUS’S table.

HEF: I lived to be 91, but I never stopped banging and totally emotionally abusing 20-somethings. Hashtag who’s a stud? Hashtag Hef’s a stud!

ZEUS: I had sex with my sister.

ZEUS: also I turned into a swan to rape a woman

ZEUS: Plus I had sex with my other sister, too

ZEUS: My incest daughter slept with her uncle

ZEUS: Once I turned into a bull to kidnap a woman so I could rape her

HEF (horrified): Oh, uh, I forgot, I have to, uh—  

HEF dashes away, flinging his tray comically over his head, to find a soothing grotto full of young mermaids or whatever.

ZEUS: All the new creeps are a bunch of cucks.

BLACKOUT

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