HUGH HEFNER AND ZEUS IN HEAVEN OR WHEREVER
A PLAY IN ONE ACT
by Martha Cipolla
SCENE: Heaven or wherever; in the cafeteria
HUGH HEFNER, clutching his lunch tray, approaches ZEUS’S table.
HEF: I lived to be 91, but I never stopped banging and totally emotionally abusing 20-somethings. Hashtag who’s a stud? Hashtag Hef’s a stud!
ZEUS: I had sex with my sister.
ZEUS: also I turned into a swan to rape a woman
ZEUS: Plus I had sex with my other sister, too
ZEUS: My incest daughter slept with her uncle
ZEUS: Once I turned into a bull to kidnap a woman so I could rape her
HEF (horrified): Oh, uh, I forgot, I have to, uh—
HEF dashes away, flinging his tray comically over his head, to find a soothing grotto full of young mermaids or whatever.
ZEUS: All the new creeps are a bunch of cucks.