by Rob Asaro

Fundamental Terrorist Looking For Weekend Thing
 
I am a busy man with a schedule Allah would not envy. Here’s the deal, my job is stressful. Plotting against America, and hatred for the infidels can take a lot of a man. That’s why I look forward to peaceful weekends. If you enjoy movies (good movies, none of the A-Team business!), museums, and fine dining then I just might be the extremist you’re looking for. I’m very committed to my work but that doesn’t mean I don’t like to enjoy myself after I punch out. I can salsa, and I love going to the theater, but I also enjoy a good METS game and a sports bar or an evening home dining with take out. I’m  looking for a low-maintenance girl with no opinions of her own. No Yankees fans! If interested email me at OmarMETSFan1@gmail.com.
 
Closeted Homo-Sexual Looking For Confusing Relationship
 
I’m just about to come out, but feel I need six more months before taking the leap. Looking for the last (mostly platonic/awkwardly romantic relationship) before finally discovering my sexuality. I need someone to understand my sensitive side, and a girl who’s tired of men who take them for granted. Hoping for a girl who needs a best friend as well as someone who deep down knows this will never work but keeps on trying. We should eventually look back at this time as special and
always be each others shoulder to cry on. I like the opera, fine art, and Indian cuisine.
 
Man Who Accidentally Drank Poison Seeking Woman With Antidote
 
Dr. Reflecto the Evil King of The Underworld has given me superhero Black Raven a lethal injection of a barbiturate that would kill a horse. I seek a woman with an antidote, or quite possibly a female doctor who can fix this or some sort of magical fairy who can reverse time. This woman should be kind, understanding and with me during the painful six month recovery thats sure to follow this terrific battle which has left me bruised and burned. You should understand the ways of the Black Raven. A protector, part man, part bird who seeks to destroy the evil in this world. I could be away for moments or years at a time. Love bowling! Please hurry, poison taking effect!