Uncle Ron’s NFL Report Card (Article)
End of the Year NFL Grades from Americas favorite Uncle.
Philadelphia
Played well this year. Consistent. Lose 30 points for intolerable fan
base.
Final Grade: C-
Washington
You elected to execute the same lame trick play twice in a row. You
made me laugh therefore you get
Final Grade C+
N.Y. Giants
You failed to make the playoffs after starting with 5 wins. For that I
give my favorite team the lowest grade I ever gave them:
Final Grade A-
Dallas
Hate you.
Final Grade F
Green Bay
Vince Lomardi once coached there and he was Italian, however McCarthy
is your current coach and he seems Irish. Lose 20 points.
Final Grade B-
Minnesota
Brett Favre has rendered my very expensive Sage Rosenfels jersey
useless! Favresota is not for Uncle Ron.
Final Grade C-
Detroit
Hey you won a game this year, just like a pro team! Awesome
Final Grade F+
Chicago
What your city has contributed to the world of Pizza, gives you a pass
on anything else you do
Final Grade A
Atlanta
On the one hand you have a good QB, coach and improved team from two
years ago, on the other hand I hate teams below the Mason Dixon line.
Final Grade C
Carolina
Remember when you were bad and I told everyone you were good, and then
you were good and I told everyone you were bad. You made me look
foolish. Uncle Ron does not like to be made a fool.
Final Grade C -
New Orleans
Rob picked you to win the Superbowl in August. You however made me lose
in my eliminate pool in WEEK 16! I hate the core of your soul.
Final Grade F.
Tampa Bay
Remember when you won the Superbowl a few years back. Yeah I don’t
either.
Final grade D
St. Louis
Missed assignments. Poor attendance. Your parents need to call me.
Final Grade: Incomplete
Seattle
You’re to the NFL what Franklin is to the Peanuts cartoon comic strip.
Just because you hide in the Pacific Northwest, doesn’t mean I don’t
see you. Poor effort Mr. Seattle.
Final Grade F
San Francisco
Joe Montana was an Italian. I have no clue what Alex Smith is but it
doesn’t sound Italian to me. I hear there’s a lot of Gays in San Fran.
What? I can’t talk. I’m just sayin’….this is what I hear. I could be
wrong I’ve never actually left New Jersey.
Final Grade C -
Arizona
Football in the desert? What next? Women in the work place?
Final Grade D
Miami
Until you get that stupid smiling Dolphin off of your helmet I refuse
to take you seriously.
Final Grade C
Buffalo
What is this I understand you gave up one of your home games to Canada.
Canada has given us the gift of some of their top comedians and you
respond by bringing them your awful team to them. You make us look like
fools!
Final Grade F -
N.Y. Jets
Hey listen Jets, you don’t like me and I don’t like you. I don’t like
that we can’t call the new stadium “Giant Stadium” because you have an
issue with it. Watch your step.
Final Grade D
New England
Remember when you lost to us in the Superbowl. I sure do.
Final Grade C-
Cincinnati
Uncle Ron has a soft spot for this team. Don’t like it? Don’t care.
Good job. Your helmet design makes me dizzy but you finally get a seat
at the big people table.
Final Grade A
Baltimore
On the one hand you have a murderer on your team, on the other hand
your QB is Italian.
FInal Grade A+
Cleveland
The Browns come from a dysfunctional home life. So you got to cut them
some slack.
Final Grade D
Pittsburgh
I know you were Mr. Popular last year but a lot changes in the NFL in a
few months. It must be tough, with Cincy winning the division, it’s
like the nerds took over.
Final Grade C-
Jacksonville
Hey Jaguars, no one’s really coming to see you in that corner of the
country. So were just going to change your seat to Los Angeles. There
you go now everyone can see you. We may not like what we see, but at
lease we can see you.
Final Grade C
Indianapolis
Did I like how you laid down against the Jets. I did not… I did not.
You know how I feel about them.
Final Grade C -
Tennessee
Your owner gave Buffalo the finger! Granted I don’t like them either,
but that shows as much class as…well your organization.
Final Grade Q.
Houston
You need to talk with guidance. Obviously you are suffering from a
terrible identity crisis. Are you a good team or a bad team?
Final Grade C
Oakland
Ugh. Note to Oakland. Try to find coach who isn’t a crazy MO FO next
season. Thanks
Final Grade Worst than Dallas and 5 Tennessee’s: Z upside down frown,
and fire.
Denver
Remember the story of the Tortious and the Hair. The Hare stars out
real fast but then takes a nap and the Tortious catches up. You may
want to look into reading that before next season.
Final Grade C
San Diego
Uncle Ron picked you to win the Superbowl in August. You’re my star
pupil. For now!
Final Grade A +++
Kansas City
Tell you what, if you can spell Kansas City, I’ll give you a passing
grade. My lord, you’re a pathetic case. You make me sad.
Final Grade :o(
-Uncle Ron
